Till Our Heart's, Die Trying
by ScotlanXX
Summary: Sequel to "The Quirks of Being Me": It's been almost a year since Bridget left everyone behind in that life-changing winter. Now Christmas is coming back around. Being their own private investigators, The Search Begins Now: Tyler/Joe, Neely/Joe, Nick/Bee, Kevin/Bobbie. /Introducing new characters! & a twist you'd never have guessed.
1. Reminicent Essences

**Till our Heart's, die trying**

**Chapter One:**  
_Catching up the past to the present_

It's been almost a year. Almost...I've been living with a former friend...a former...brother of mine. Tyler Drake. He was one of us...of the group of friends I mean. He's Joe's best friend...well, he was. He left, just like that. No goodbye, no warning, nothing. He just left. He grew up with the J's too. However, he's been a best friend of Joe's since they were 4. I was barely the size of a table leg by then...it makes me laugh, how short I was for a three year old. God...that's funny...I never really paid much attention to the past till it started to catch up with me. See, Nick's two years younger than me... but for my size, and his size, he almost looks older than me. He was barely the size of a ruler when Joe and Tyler were 4, I was 3, and Kevin was 6. However, I didn't meet them till I was 7 it was then I met Nick, the little kid who followed me around the playground at church, my mother thought he was absolutely adorable and began to talk with Denise. Yeah, Denise Jonas, the most wonderful home cooker I've met, and I haven't met a lot of woman or men who can cook without problems. That's when we began to have play dates, and I couldn't stand having the boys around, it began to be war when they were around. Kevin complained, Joe and Tyler just pestered anyone they could, and Nick was at my side like a thorn to a rose. I was aggravated. It was all about to change on my 8th birthday. I yelled at Nick to go away and never come back, that I hated him. He ran through our back yard, and because it was dark further out, we all forgot the pool was covered with that black plastic sheet. Well he never stopped and proceeded to run over the darkness that he soon fell into with no words. I ran after him, and saw the sheet of black sink. I screamed Nick's name...

--

_"Nick!" _My heart was plundering in my 7-year-old chest. I couldn't see anything but shadows and the faint sound of bubbles. Guilt kicked in and I knew this was my fault. I couldn't believe he was going to die because of my selfishness. I remember jumping in, the shock of the water was horrible against my skin; I immediately felt the numbness of my body and began to panic. _Deep breathes..._ I began to swim towards the surface, feeling a sharp burn in my lungs as I sucked in the cool night air and dove back under, my hands reaching around to feel anything but the liquid of the pool water, and the slimy, plastic of the now descending pool cover. I almost gave up hope when I felt a brush of tangled hair against my fingertips and I immediately grabbed it. It didn't struggle against my grip, and I began to question what I was grasping. I could just barely make out an outline and I knew...it was Nick. I pulled until the small body of the 5 year old began to ascend towards me, my hand grasping the outline of an arm and I struggled to pull myself and Nick to the surface, but I wasn't strong enough, the air in my lungs wasn't enough to last me... the only chance of survival I could think of was to push Nick's body with all the force I could muster, to the surface, and hope to god someone would see him.

I pulled. Pulled his body to mine and flipped us around so he was above me, and right before I moved my hands to his chest, he opened his eyes, and I knew he meant something to me. I knew I had to protect him. I felt the will to cry as I gazed through the chlorinated pool water into his glazed eyes and the burn in my chest as I pushed on his chest as hard as I could. His body jolted towards the surface of the pool, the force of my push caused me to inhale, my lungs filling with a rush of fluids as my back hit the bottom of the 11-foot deep pool. I looked up; to see if he was safe...but the only thing I could now see was the slimy, plastic of the pool cover, closing around me...

_"Bridge!" _I remember a force against my chest; the burn of the cool air filling my lungs again along with the sudden urge to vomit. My body surged and I rolled over, now laying in a pool of regurgitated pool water. Then, a pair of arms wrapped around me, and my gaze lifted weakly to lay upon an 11 year old Kevin Jonas. After that night...he dubbed himself my protector. He held me when I was sad, when I was scared...when I was hurt. I remember when they stayed over that night; I hugged Nick and cried. He became my best friend, and since that night...we were inseparable.

--

_"I think we should make a pact..." Kevin put his hand on my shoulder. "That no matter what happens, we will be the best older brothers, friends, and protectors in the world."_

_"To never let anything bad happen to you if we can help it..." Joe put his hand on my other shoulder._

_"To always look out for you...and Nick...and help each other out when in need." Tyler placed a hand on my head. "Because we love you short stuff."_

_Nick took my hand, holding it tight as they continued to talk..._

--

I made a pact with myself that day...to never let myself hurt Nick...and do whatever means possible to never hurt him again.Now, I'm standing in Tyler's guest room, my clothes falling out of my bags, and my heart breaking...I've become a monster in my search to find a place to not hurt my best friend, and the love of my life... the only thing I've found...is Tyler Drake's house, and the thoughts of how much it was killing us all, to be apart from each other.

--

"Bridge, you in there?"

"Yeah..." I sighed as I stared blankly at the painted wall of the guest room. I heard the door open and turned my head slowly. Tyler was different than the last I had remembered him...he had long dark hair, highlights of red in it, he was nerdy and chubbier and had the most deathly expression to anyone else who didn't know him...now, it was cut short and spiked up. His figure was thinner, but more masculine...I could remember how he had more weight on his body and almost no muscle, his attitude hasn't changed, he's kind but still reserved, and still an asshole to those he didn't really deem worthy of friends. He sat down beside me on the bed, his hands together between his knees as usual.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, fine." I said as I reached for the half empty Smirnoff on the side table. It was out of my hands before I could move it and I turned with narrowed eyes at Tyler. "Hey, give that back."

"You already had enough for the day, you need to knock this shit off." Tyler's voice held firm but I wasn't ready to give up my ticket to minor happiness. Okay it didn't really make me happy, hell I hated doing this stuff but I slept better when I was to drunk to stay awake. At least then I wouldn't dream of, _him_.

"Please? Give me the bottle back?" I asked, trying to sound firm but I was losing my voice. "Tyler…"

"You know I love you Bridge, but please…stop hurting yourself like this. You know this isn't the way to deal with things." It was amazing how anyone else would look at Tyler in a situation like this and show fear. He doesn't show emotions well, same as Joe. However as I looked at him now…I could see the softness in his features, and the concerned sadness in his eyes. I sighed and leaned back into the bed.

"Fine, don't give me the bottle…"

"You have work tomorrow after school right?" He asked me, as he shifted on the bed, moving to face me.

"Yeah, it's late shift, as usual."

"How are you doing in school?"

"Alright…?"

"Bridge, I don't want to hear you drinking in school anymore alright? It's disappointing." I looked over at him, my eyes burning holes into his as I clenched my jaw. "Bridget Renee-"

"Alright!" I sighed. "Alright, I'm sorry. I won't do it anymore."

--

I didn't drink for a good two days. But I still cried myself to sleep, sometimes waking to hear my door closing. Tyler made a routine of checking on me twice during the night. I acted like it upset me if I was already awake, but the truth is It made me feel safe. It made me appreciate him even more. It let me know he cared, even though I didn't think he should. I fucked up everything…and now, I just wished I didn't leave, I always wonder what would have happened if I told Nick I loved him to his face and just stayed.

Now, I walked to my car after work and drove home. I didn't know if Tyler was awake but I snuck into the house hoping he wouldn't ask me about my day and then sat in my room. I pulled a bottle of liquor I had snuck from work and was about to open it when I remembered what Tyler has said. The disappointment. God, why was this so hard? Why can't I be stronger than this?

"God, I love you so much Nick…" I began to silently cry as I dropped the still unopened bottle into the trash bin in the room and then crawled into bed. I cried, and cried, and cried. The covers snuggled tightly against my body as I reminisced over my life. I don't remember when I finally fell asleep, but I remember the shift in the bed and a pair of protective arms wrap around my shaking figure as I finally cried so much I passed into sleep.

--

**A/N: So, this was chapter one/intro. Tell me what you think.**


	2. But I never told you

**Chapter 2:  
**_..I never told you._**  
**

* * *

My heart was tearing from my chest. I couldn't even breathe as I screamed, and cried...and shattered. He was all I could feel, all I could think about whenever I heard something, smelled something...memories were attacking my dreams, throwing me into a hellfire I could not get out of. Burning me to my core with the decisions, the guilt, the uncertainty...everything was crumbling. It was so difficult just to get through the day. But I had Tyler...oh yes I had him.

Poor Tyler.

I remember how I woke up to his red rimed eyes, stone expression lined in his face, and firm loving and protective arms wrapped around me. He hadn't slept that night as I cried. Even after I fell asleep I must have still cried, and screamed, and tossed around, because his eyes held a burning in them that was unfathomable. He could do nothing to help me, not how I needed it. I needed Nick, the one thing I kept myself from having.

I went to school and went to work, where I now stand, cleaning off the counters and placing the now clean and steamed glasses in their respective places. I knew working the bar wasn't the ideal job, but after out bar-mistress Wendy quit two days ago, here was no one else to help out at the popular sports pub so I took the position as a temp for a while, though I knew Sandy had no intention at finding anyone too fast. The blonde, 6 foot 2 amazon was a doll. She loved me like a sister since I first arrived, treating me like I was her own. So much so that it sometimes made me yearn for my own family back in Jersey...I missed me father.

Tyler tells me how he is doing on occasion when he gets news. I don't bother asking how he gets his information, or who he talks to for it, but I'm thankful for it non-the-less. I feel horrible for not calling my dad myself, and for leaving as I did. I never got a chance to say goodbye, give a good reason...for any of it. He probably thought I was dead by now..._Oh daddy I miss you._

My head lightly touched the cool surface of the bar. My stomach churning acid, since I haven't eaten anything since yesterday. My soul was still screaming out. I always felt as if it was trying to tear itself from my fleshy shell. Fighting its way back home, where it knew it belonged...with him.

I hadn't realized anyone had come into the vicinity till a hand touched my shoulder. "Bridget?"

"I'm alright Sandy, Really..." I trailed off as her hand left my shoulder and instead I tilted my face a bit and looked at her as she grabbed a bottle of Jack and poured me a small glass, then herself, and placed mine in front of me on the bar. I half smiled at her attempt at emotional situations. Sandy wasn't really one to dwell on emotional turmoil. She was pretty simple and looking at things more logically.

I sighed and pushed off the bar, grabbing my drink in the process and took a sip of the poison that's been a silent (except when Tyler catches me) escape goat for my distress. Sandy smiled when she watched me take a few more sips and patted the bar a few times and winked before walking off. "I expect you to go home and get some sleep Reynolds, I expect my Barkeep to be in tip top shape if she is going to be dealing with all those customers." She called back as she shut off the main lights.

I smiled slightly and shook my head. Tossing the remaining liquid back into the sink , washed the glass and dried it before setting it with the others. I couldn't help but feel a little bit lifted around Sandy, but as soon as I leave work my mood drops again ten-fold. Tonight's no different. I shut off the rest of the lights, double checked the locks and grabbed my things before heading out back to my car. I drove 'home', trying to keep my mind on absolutely nothing, for my sanity. Just getting home safe.

Sure enough, after I pulled up and got up to the door to unlock it and enter. Tyler was there, pacing. I passed him on the way to the guest room and sat my backpack and keys down by the nightstand as he followed me in."You are 45 minutes late."

"What are you my father?" I bit out. I didn't appreciate his tone, nor did I understand why he continued to behave like a crazed parent. Perhaps because I moved into this apartment 11 months ago so we could work on 'the healing process'. Tyler was just overprotective. When I'd shown up at his house I found he hadn't actually lived with his parent anymore but in an apartment across town. I stayed a month at the Drakes before Sheryl couldn't handle the depression any longer. She was so heartbroken by my demeanor that she called Tyler for help. She was scared I was never going to get better and she couldn't handle the darkness lingering in the house.

Thankfully, Tyler aloud me the guest bedroom, which used to only have simple futon and desk in it. So I assume it was actually a game room or office. But I never actually asked. I just know I came home from school one day to a nice bed, a nightstand, dresser and such. He even placed a box of tampons and chocolate on the dresser with a new towel set, sheet set and comforter...tooth brush, paste, hair and shower accessories...I mean it was a big deal to me and I never really thanked him. I remember muttering a quick 'thanks' but never really let him know how much I appreciated it.

He must have been talking because when I looked at him he looked red in the face. "Sorry did I interrupt your thoughts?" He growled out at me. I didn't flinch at his tone but instead smiled softly and actually...laughed.

"As always Drake, huffing and puffing till the cows come home?" He moved to open his mouth again but I put my hands up in surrender. "I'm kidding!...Look Sandy and I were the only ones there tonight and it was busy, we cleaned alone, and got to chatting a bit. I guess I lost track of time, honestly I'm sorry."

He seemed to take that in thankfully, because his features softened and he finally nodded. I let out a breath of relief and offered a smile once more ad he turned to leave."Hey Ty...?"

"Yeah."

I looked around the room for a few moments before looked back at the older boy..no..man, before me. "Thank you, for everything. The room, the bed...everything. For believing I can fix this mess I have created. For believing in me..."

At first I didn't think he was going to reply, for his back was still facing me. However, his body twitched a bit and then continued and I realized he was shaking. "Ty?" I walked up to him, hand on his shoulder firmly. I realized he was silently laughing and I furrowed my brows. "What on earth is so funny?"

He shook his head, looking up at me. Unshed tears lingered in those Green orbs of his. "You know, never would I have expected you to show up nearly a year ago on my Parents doorstep here in Georgia...nor would I have anticipated the agony you'd cause me. But I love you Bridge and I'd kill for you, know that? I'd love and kill for you forever, a pact made forever by us all. I won;t ever give up on you kid. Never. Know that. Let that sink in. I'm sure one day you will see how much of a weirdo you are and how idiotic you are for leaving Nick. I know better than anyone how it feels to love someone so deeply and how it feels like your very soul is being torn apart because you are not with that person. But you ware strong, you will get through this." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "You will. Get through this. Repeat it."

I didn't blink as I stared into those intense eyes. I felt my heart skip as I opened and closed my mouth a few times. "Say it!" He repeated firmly.

"I will get through this." I repeated. Satisfied and seemingly both drained, Ty nodded and left the room, leaving me to hold my hand to my chest, squeezing my eyes shut I willed myself to think of him..._I will get through this._


	3. The Devils Tears

**Till Our ****Hearts ****Die Trying**

**Chapter 3: **The Devils Tears

_I will get through this,_ I told myself this for hours, and hours. It was what I forced myself to live and breathe. Hope. Hope that I would make it through this dramatic tragedy I created myself. I knew this was my fault, all of it. I knew I had to swallow my pride and deal with my mistakes. How else was I supposed to heal? How else was I supposed to fix what I had broken? He was my best friend...he was my heart and soul and I know I'm barely 19 but my life has been adulthood more so than not, especially since my mother left us. But that is a story I never want to talk about.

I found myself refolding my laundry at the laundry mat on this _wondrous_ Saturday morning, listening to my music player. _Mango Tree by Angus & Julia Stone_ sharing its melodious tune with my ears. This was one of my recent favorites, their correlation with each other was amazing. I'd been so lost in the music I hadn't realized I was refolding the laundry yet again. I sighed as the song ended and I looked down at my mess of poorly folded, and wrinkled clothes. Deciding it was near useless to try and refold them again and a waste of money to re-dry them; I gathered my remaining articles of clothing, tucked my phone in my pocket and headed back to the apartment.

I realized something was a bit off when Ty didn't immediately pop about to check on me. After tossing the basket of clothes on the bed and checking my phone for missed calls, I peaked out of my bedroom. Ty wasn't in the living room, or the bathroom, or the kitchen. My brows knitted together in confusion as I finally came passed it door down the hall and found it was closed. It was never closed. He was so paranoid lately he hadn't closed it in all of 6 months or more. He used to close it or leave it slightly ajar, but I suppose he found it wasn't worth risking if he couldn't get to me in time. My recent narcotic issues had ensured I was never going to be out of earshot when I was home, and I sometimes wondered if Ty didn't sneak around in the shadows at work to keep an eye on me. I knew he'd had the teachers in his 'spy group' because there was always someone walking me to and from class and some of them asked me if I was okay so often I knew it was much more than how a normal teacher is with a student. They are constantly watching me like a hawk. I refused to bring even a simple bottle of water to school anymore because they would have it checked to for 'other' contents.

Can't blame Ty for being so overcautious. It was in his nature...it was always in his nature. Like me, he tried to wear his heart in chains, but you can hide emotion for only so long. The eyes naturally show our weakness, our emotion, our love and our hate, the keys to the souls are through ones eyes.

As I approached the closed door, I found myself biting my lip. A habit I had a lot of trouble stopping back home. However I bit it now to keep myself from breathing to heavily. I was in such a huff when I couldn't find Ty around the place, I had to struggle to keep calm now. Why was I even freaking out? It wasn't a crime to close a door...this was silly. I took a breath and moved to knock when I hear voices. I stopped, and so did my heart for a mere moment.

"...she's doing better, but I can't tell if it's because of her or because I don;t give her the chance here or at school to try anything..." Ty's voice floated through the closed door. The second voice or...was that two voices? Sounded like they were there but far away at the same time...speakers maybe? Was he on windows live?

"_Fix her faster Tyler I don't know how much longer we can all stand this...Nick is such a wreak, all we hear is this robot who does his routines but isn't fully alive. He was clinging to the hope she would come back, showing up on the doorstep like nothing ever happened and he could have his best friend back again."_ Said the first voice.

"_We all thought it would be maybe a month or two but its nearly Christmas again Tyler, we don't know what to do."_ Said the second one.

"Look Kevin, I don't know what you expect me to do, I'm trying, but she's as stubborn as I am and.." Kevin?! He was talking to Kevin! Oh..I had to restrain from bursting through the door and telling Kevin how much I missed him. _My dear 'brother', I'm so sorry for hurting you, I know I'm stupid, I know I shouldn't have left..._

"_I don't want to hear it Drake, you are not setting the prime example here are you! You left Joey to his misery here. Months of self destruction. He didn't understand why you even left!"_ Kevin's voice rang through the speakers. I didn't sound anger, just a little miffed. _"You BOTH should come home. Neely was trying to help him but now he's even pushed her away. So much so we hardly ever see her."_

"Well sweetheart that is because she works for a living." A feminine voice came through..._oh Bobbie!_

I felt myself sink back from the door, moving back to my room and collapsing on the bed. _What have I done to my life..._


End file.
